Being kind and gentle to my soul.

I once had to do a volunteer training group when I was working at a sexual assault centre. The group ran on Thursdays from 6:00pm-10:00pm during my fourth year of University and I can’t even tell you how much I thought it was going to cramp my style. I dreaded it, but it turned out to be one of the most inspiring, moving experiences I have ever had and I looked forward to it every week. It was more of a group therapy session and was run by an amazing woman who consistently told us to be kind and gentle to our souls.

In learning to be kind and gentle to my soul, I became my best friend. By following this idea and maturing in general, I find that I love myself more and more every day. I don’t mean that in an obnoxious, narcissistic way but rather in a happy, comfortable way. The parts of my body and personality that I used to find ugly and frustrating are now some of my favourite things about myself.

For example, my feet. I used to think they were too long (size 9.5),  too skinny and too bony. Also, I have bunions on the sides of my big toes. I would always wear socks, or try to hide my feet or somehow try to make them look smaller. Now? I think my feet are quirky and fun and absolutely perfect. My feet have helped me to win races, and they fit into beautiful shoes withot complaining too much. I love my feet.

 feet

Left, my feet. Right, Nat’s beautiful feet.

What is one thing that you absolutely love about your awesome self? Tell me in the comments. You can’t imagine how great it feels to write it down and share it with others. Be kind and gentle to your soul today!

37 weeks & Maternity photos!

I’m 37 weeks pregnant today! AKA meaning: Raspbaby could come any day and everything would be fine(but please wait at least a week baby because I’m not ready!). I finished work last Tuesday, the holidays are mostly over (except for New Years but I’m not sure if I will be celebrating too much this year) so now it’s time to get my butt in gear.  As usual on my list- I still need to finish the baby room- getting closer now, and I need to pack my hospital bag- I’m so not the kind of person who will be able to run around while in labour packing my hospital bag. My shower is next Sunday which I’m so ready and excited for- plus it will give me things to organize during the week which will hopefully kickstart my nesting mode because so far I have nothing, except a messy house.

Yesterday I got maternity photos taken by Stacey of VdK Photography.  She was so quick getting me sneek peek photos, that I can show you some today. Yes that’s right, the day after I got photos taken I can show some off!  I love how they turned out and lucky for us it wasn’t that cold- only about -1. I’m really excited to see the rest.

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A Year in the Life of Leah

I recently completed my Decade in Review, and now that 2010 is fast approaching it is time to do a review of my year. Last year, we combined all five yearly review surveys in one post, which you can find here. Enjoy!

1. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I think I did a pretty good job! I wanted to go to the mountains more and to find more fun, cheap and sober activities for my best friend and I. I went to the mountains a ton to hike, eat, snowboard, visit family and hike more. With the addition of yoga and board games into my life, that brought in the fun and (relatively) cheap activities. As for resolutions for next year, I really want to get into personal finances and really start a savings fund (likely for a down payment for a house … someday).

2. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The day that Kate told me she was pregnant. I don’t recall the exact date, but I will never forget the way I felt when she told me. I dropped the phone, yelled for Tim and cried. It was magical, and from that day forward I stopped living for myself and started living my life for the little, tiny baby growing inside my sister.

3. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting a raving review and growing immensely at my full-time job and also picking up a part-time job on the side, planning for my future. Becoming closer to my family in Calgary. Really communicating my needs to the boyfriend and keeping in touch with my best friends. Becoming the maid of honour for my best friend’s wedding. Making friends.

4. What was your biggest failure?

Beng very, very messy.

5. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I want to say the same as last year – the boyfriend, Natalie (my best Calgary friend) and Stef and Leah (my best Ontario friends), but though true, that doesn’t challenge me. I am going to say my cousin, Emily (see her beautiful mug here). Em and I have gotten close since I moved here (she lives in Calgary) and she not only excelled at school, she got two amazing co-op jobs that will both help to propel her to greatness. I have seen her become this amazing, intelligent and smart young woman, making great life choices. Plus, she reads and comments on the blog regularly. Bravo, Em!

(Also – all of my visitors, Including Mom and Micaela.)

6. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Erica’s wedding, Micaela’s wedding and  Raspbaby. Though the weddings seem like a lifetime ago now.

7. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
Happier, though a wee bit apprehensive for the future.
ii. thinner or fatter? The same.
iii. richer or poorer? Richer.

8. What was the best book you read?

Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistlestop Cafe, by Fannie Flagg.

9. what did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 23 and had an amazing birthday. My Mom surprised me and came to Calgary for the weekend, I had a birthday party at my house, and all of my friends came and celebrated with me. I drank champagne and wore a really sparkly shirt. It was perfect.

10. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Being able to see and touch Kate’s belly and watch it grow in person, not just through pictures.

11. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Casual, lots of boots, leggings, and a lot of sequins. I acquired a lot of colourful, statement shirts which make me feel like a million bucks. I bought a lot of secondhand and vintage clothes.

12. What kept you sane this year?

Blogs and budgets and therapy.

13. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

That not only do I have personal boundaries, I have energy boundaries. My energy boundary can have a positive effect on other people, but is impermeable by other people’s energy. I don’t know how much sense that makes to everybody, but it is how I keep myself and my anxiety in check when dealing with high stress situations at work.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everybody! I filmed a Christmas vlog, because it was 7:00am, I was all alone, and had nothing better to do. If it does not work below, then go to my (new) youTube user page and watch the video from there.

Your Raspbaby Guesses!

Here are some photos which may or may not sway your votes…

Me at 36 weeks pregnant.




Blog Swap: The Spirit of Christmas

I chose to participate in another creative writing blog swap. For full details see Pam’s blog. I was fortunately paired up with a great friend of mine, Mich. (It was her birthday yesterday! We went out on Saturday and had a blast.)

I did this previously in September and was paired with Dutch Being Me – see her post here and my poem here. Thanks for hanging out with the Blondes today, Mich!

What is the spirit of Christmas?

It’s not something you can buy at a store. Or put in a box under the tree with a pretty bow on it. It’s not something you put on your plate. And it’s not something you say.

Its something you feel.

It’s how you feel when you hug the ones you love and say “Merry Christmas”.

It’s how you feel when you are writing a Christmas card to those in places far away from you, wondering when they will open it and imagining the smile on their face when they do.

It’s the magical feeling you get when you see the giant Christmas tree lit up at the mall, covered in lights and shiny ornaments.

It’s the feeling you get when you hear your favorite Christmas song, and hum along to it.

It’s the fresh snow on the ground and watching the twinkling lights reflect off the snowflakes on the trees.

It’s decorating the tree and pulling out your favorite ornaments from when you were a child, and remembering….

It’s shoveling the walk, with a nose that is rosy from the cold, knowing that family and friends are on their way to visit.

For me, its hearing my grandmother sing “We wish you a merry Christmas” every year in her German accent, and laughing as she makes a brooch or a hat out of the bows and ribbons instead of opening her gifts.

For me it’s the drive home from my grandparent’s house on Christmas Eve, stuffed full from the turkey dinner and chocolates, staring out the window, watching the lights, singing to the Christmas songs on the radio.

For me, it’s the magic.

A Decade in Review

Here is my decade in review, which was borrowed from Hope Dies Last and also repeated by A Little Coffee. It is the past ten years from my perspective.

In 2000, I was in grade 8. I got my first boyfriend, who was a really nice guy. It didn’t matter to me, because the only things I cared about were if I had the cool new jeans or not. I drank my first beer with my friends and decided that, while my friends liked it, smoking was not something I wanted to try.

In 2001, I entered high school. My friends changed, but I still only cared about whether or not I was wearing the right jeans. I grew to be 5’10″ seemingly overnight, and even though my braces came off I was still awkward. I had my second boyfriend for a few weeks, who was also a really nice guy. Erica, and Kate’s boyfriend taught me how to  snowboard, and I fell in love with it. I won an award for my track and field achievements.

In 2002, I was in gr. 10. I traveled to Europe with Erica and Kate and my choir and the rest of my family joined after. My fondest memories of the trip were in the rented van my Mom drove all across France, Germany, Italy, Holland and more, playing a Boggle game that had been found in the attic of a Dutch convent with my sisters.

In 2003, I was less awkward, and my clothes were tight and short. Boys loved me and I loved boys. I wore pinky-gold Annabelle eyeshadow every day. My favourite class was French, and I did an exchange where I lived in Quebec for a summer and worked at a day camp. By the end of the summer, I was fluent in a beautiful language. I wanted to get my nose pierced, but didn’t because I thought my Mom would get mad at me. I got my first real boyfriend, who told me he loved me. I didn’t say it back.

In 2004, I dumped my boyfriend a few weeks before prom. A week later he made fun of me on national television. I worked at my parent’s golf course and went to the same University as Kate. Out of the four schools I have attended, it was the only one I chose to attend for myself and was the best decision I have ever made. I made a new best friend with the same name as me, who would consistently challenge me and help me to develop a concrete world view. I drank too much, didn’t study enough, and was actually happy to have gained a ‘Freshman 25′. I found out my best friend from my hometown was moving to Ottawa and I thought my life might end. It didn’t.

In 2005, I still worked at my parent’s golf course. I loved to party, a little too much. Somehow, I managed to stay out of trouble. I moved in with some girlfriends, and went on a date with a boy who I would quickly fall madly in love with.  Enter the scary situation of helping a friend in an abusive relationship. My roommate hid her drug dealer in her room for a week, and I thought it was funny. I spent every waking moment with my boyfriend, and  shocked him by deciding to move to a remote fishing lodge for the summer. I realized I had all the right people in my life when the letters were delivered to me in bundles every week.

In 2006, I got a part-time job at a pub to pay for a six week trip to volunteer in and travel around Costa Rica. This job became my life, and I saved every penny I earned. I still drank too much beer and stayed out way too late with my best friend. In the midst of the madness, I gained some essential life skills and my marks went up. I started to realize that I really liked the person I was becoming.

In 2007, I was the president of my academic class. I still worked at the pub with my best friend and stayed out too late. Every other waking moment was spent with my boyfriend, who I was still madly in love with. I started becoming friends with people I genuinely liked. I volunteered at a sexual assault centre, and met some truly amazing people.

In 2008, I survived and graduated from University and got my name on a trophy … in a beer drinking competition. My boyfriend’s job moved in to Calgary and I couldn’t imagine not seeing him everyday so I followed. We found a beautiful condo which we made our home and I became a social worker, working with adults with severe and persistent mental illness. I reconnected with a old friend, who became my rock. I had visitors upon visitors and cherished every moment with them.

In 2009, I bought my first car. My and my boyfriend got in our first big fight and I cried because I thought I was alone. I lost somebody to suicide and I became even closer to my best friends (three of them now). I had even more visitors, and went home for the wedding’s of two sisters. I found out I was going to become an Aunt for the first time, and cried again. I met my first bloggy friend in real life. I took some of my own advice and started seeing a therapist and we laughed together a lot. I became the maid of honour in my best friend’s wedding – I wondered when I would be next, if ever.

Procrastination At It's Best.

Soo I have 2 more exams left. TWO! Jeez, most people are done by now!  I have my next exam tonight at 7, and my last exam tomorrow at 2, then I’m home on Monday night for some Christmas fun!  Hopefully this time it won’t take us 12 hours to drive home.  I tried to listen to Cheerfm while studying…but that failed. So now I’m listening to Super Smash Bros and Girl Talk, which sort of makes up for it.  Also, I think the guy sitting in the comfy chair across from me in Rooster’s is taking pictures of me on his blackberry…and it’s really creeping me out, so I had to do something other than study to distract me from the creepiness.  This post is going to be super random, because what other kinds of posts do I honestly write?

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35 weeks, 35 days to go

This was one milestone I was excited to get to, 35 weeks pregnant, with 35 days to go (as of Monday the 14th)! I love coincidences like that.

This week I finally gave in and bought more maternity clothes. I was getting so sick of my 2 pairs of jeans and about 4 shirts.  Lucky for me I have a loving sister in Calgary who sent me a gift card to buy myself something at Thyme Maternity!  Well I spent it (about 5 times the amount actually.. it was a big money drop). I bought 2 tops, jeans and finally gave in and bought maternity & nursing bras.  I almost had a freakout when I got measured for the bras, I’m a WHAT?! Mom also made me another maternity top which I love.

I’m also not really sure how really skinny people find maternity clothes. I consider myself an average sized girl and I easily fit into a size small maternity pant. Talk about making a pregnant girl feel good!

Scott and I finally registered this week, as my shower is coming up (January 3rd) and I was dreading having to suggest to people what to buy me. We went with a checklist and Scott made sure that we registered for everything we think we might need (he’s very organized).  We ended up registering at Babies-R-Us, it’s tricky though because who knows what raspberry will actually like. Maybe he (or she) will hate everything… lets hope for an easy baby!

Heartburn has been my enemy lately, waking me up at 3 am feeling horrible, so I take some Gaviscon and struggle to get back to sleep. I’ve been having back pain, but nothing unbearable.  And I’m really starting to have to slow down at the barn, can’t quite climb over gates like I used to be able to.  I took a little fall at work last week on a really icy day, I wasn’t hurt at all but it made me realize I need to be more careful.  BTW only 6 more days of work!  Raspberry has been having little bouts of the hiccups! I think it’s so adorable feeling my stomach pulse in even increments. Plus I love the hiccups so I hope little baby is enjoying them too.

My next doctor’s appointment is on Wednesday (aka today because it’s taking me forever to get this posted), and after that my appointments are weekly.  Wow time flies.

The Health Crisis That Wasn't

Over the past week or so I have been experiencing a big health scare, and while I assure you all that I am fine and dandy now, I have alluded to it over Twitter and some of you may have heard some scary rumours about me. I’ll fill you all in here.

For two weeks in November, I experienced severe chest pain. It was so bad at times, I literally couldn’t move. I would lay on the couch or in my bed for days on end, moving as little as possible. I would try to go to work, only to throw up from the pain and go home. After I figured out that this was probably more than a pulled muscle from yoga, as I originally thought, I got it checked out at the doctor.

Pleurisy, or a pulled muscle,” he told me, and handed me a requisition for a chest x-ray. “If it still hurts in a few days get it x-rayed.” I went the following day to get it x-rayed, as the pain hit a peak. Last week I went in for the results. I felt silly going, because a few days after my x-ray I felt completely fine again. Looking at the results, the doctor was concerned. The x-ray showed ‘pleural fluid’ consistent with pleurisy, but oddly, it also showed a ‘rather ill defined density‘ in my left lung. More x-rays, and depending on the results, CT scans and more.

I was freaked out. Density in my lung? What the #$%@ does that mean? A friend of mine put it well, she said “The vocabulary alone that comes with the words density in your lung is terrifying.” For five days, the words tumour … cancer … chemotherapy … swirled around in my head. I would go from cursing the x-ray technician for doing a bad job reading the x-ray, to telling myself it was a shadow, to dying. I had to remind myself all weekend that it didn’t matter how much I worried or stressed about the new results, that it wouldn’t change the outcome at my next appointment.

Well, Monday I had the new results. I had a minor panic attack on my way to the doctors, and held my tears in in the waiting room. Will this be the end of my world as I know it? Or will I walk away from here completely normal? My doctor informed me during my appointment that whatever was there for the first x-ray, wasn’t there for the second. It was gone. I was okay. I am okay.

So to all the people who offered me support over the past week, I thank you with all of my heart. And all of my left lung. I love you all, very much.