Last week I was in Vegas (surprise!) with two girlfriends celebrating an upcoming wedding and I would post some photos but they are 100% inappropriate and that is what happens when you go to bed every night at 7:00am after having had two extra dirty gin martinis for breakfast. If Tim asks to see the photos I am planning  to tell him we didn’t take any (so far I’m in the clear).

My luxe life of fake-ployment will be ending as of this week. And by luxe I mean scouring job sites and CharityVillage (my life) and scheduling ‘information interviews’ and volunteering and rolling eyes at immature teenaged coworkers and people who take themselves too seriously and stress and anxiety about job interviews and resumes that nobody reads even though hours were spent perfecting them and tearful phone calls with best friends and closed eyes when ATM’s puke out bank statements and a month of crying every. single. day and days that not a single limb is moved, not even to get food, then that one day of OMFGTDHRCIAARPA!IACTSIAMAPW! (translation: OMFG the day has really come I am a real person again! I am contributing to society in a meaningful and positive way!).

I used my new job as an excuse to buy some more Big Girl Clothes (yea, I know. I already had a Big Girl Job but you know, new city, new job, new clothes, am I right?). And I am planning my first day of work outfit. It’s like the first day kindergarten outfit – your mom dresses you in whatever outfit makes you look the most angelic so your teachers will love you (bow ties for boys and flowery dresses with matching sun hats for girls). Or the first day of middle school outfit – well, it probably has purple grape juice stains on it, but as long as you can wear it on the tire swing then it doesn’t matter. Or the first day of high school outfit – you want to wear exactly what everyone else will be wearing (Silver jeans and a Tommy Girl three quarter length top). And the first day of University where you want to look like a fun party girl, somewhere in between a bookwork and a slutty whore – yea, I said it – (flower in hair, layered white and pink tank tops, pink cowboy belt, dark wash flared Von Dutch jeans and pink flip flops).

The first day of work outfit is very important, and says a lot about a person. While I do allow for redemption in some situations, I am a big believer in first impressions being the most important ones. The first day on the job outfit has to say a.) you’d probably want to be my friend b.) yes I am old enough to have a Real Job (apparently I look really young sometimes) c.) I will bring delicious food to luncheons d.) I’m awesome to work with on committees and special projects e.) I will never cook microwave popcorn in the kitchen microwave (the worst) f.) you’ll never roll your eyes when my name pops up on your caller ID g.) I am in no way annoying at all and have the perfect amount of independent work and socializing. It’s also tough because you don’t exactly know what everyone else is wearing (see title of post), and I need to know what the office culture is – how basic outfits are or how outrageously people dress or how many people wear leggings underneath dresses and is that okay and are skinny legged pants okay (really, this is my biggest fear because I just want to wear these every day for the rest of my life).

Do you remember what you wore on the first day of your job? Am I the only one who reads way too far into this decision? WHAT DID YOU WEAR I NEED HELP BEING COOL.