I decided to move clear across the country, across the prairies and into the West to start to figure it all out. And slowly, I did just that. I am four years, two full-time jobs with a few part-time ones on the side into figuring it all out and directing myself into my chosen career path. Upon leaving my first job to move back to Ontario I confessed to my boss that I still didn’t understand why she hired me given my lack of hands-on experience in the field, and I will never forget when she told me that ‘sometimes you just see a spark in somebody. The knowledge that comes with a career? That can be taught. But when you find someone that has the spark inside of them you take a chance, and you don’t regret it’. That statement has influenced my career in every way, and in a way, is my personal motto. I don’t know everything, neither do you and and even together neither of us ever will. But with that spark inside, tasks can be taught, knowledge will be learned and surrounding yourself with people that believe in you will help you to achieve whatever goals you set for yourself.

When I moved to Toronto (jobless with hundreds of resumes and cover letters in hand) people started asked the dreaded question ’what are you going to do when you get there?’ and I desparately thought to myself ‘I will do almost anything for anybody who will hire me’. A year into a challenging full time job later, I am inspired to find and achieve my niche. I am not so desparate anymore and am finally able to write down tangible goals and what it will take for me to achieve them onto a piece of paper – one which sits in my desk where I can see it every day. I am ready to move again, this time into a position which will sharpen my career even further.

And finally, because there is nothing like a good Venn diagram to support one’s logic.

Source

“When are you due?”

“Is this your first?”

“Let me guess your due date!”

“Good luck…!”

It’s hard to deny it. Strangers comment almost daily over my expanding baby bump.

I’ll be honest, it’s not all baby – my appetite has expanded just as quickly as my waistline! What you can’t tell from this picture is that I am suffering from a nasty cold. I woke up on Thursday morning with a very sore throat and now have the classic stuffed up nose, sneezing, watery eyes, headache, exhaustion…I feel like a commercial for a cold remedy. Except that I can’t take most cold remedys – instead, I am taking  regular Tylenol and drinking hot tea. It’s hard to keep from popping a cold pill when we have them at the ready – Denis, the source of my cold, was taking them last week. Darn my weakened immune system!

Unfortunately, I didn’t get as much rest as I wanted to today! Denis and I made a trip to pick up some baby stuff – in particular, my birthday gift of a diaper bag. I had picked out a timi & leslie bag online in the summer but was unable to find it here in London. While on vacation in Colorado, I was able to see it in person, which helped me decide that this was the bag I really wanted! Finally, after a couple of months of emailing back and forth with the owner of Stork (Do you have this bag in stock? Will you soon? Is it in yet? I think I really annoyed her!), I was thrilled to finally be able to pick it up today. It says ‘purse’ just as much as it says ‘diaper bag’, which is important to me as it will be serving both purposes for some time.

What really tickled my Dutch bone was the discount – they were having a “50% off almost everything” sale! I was fully expecting to pay over $150 for it but instead got it for $90. Sadly the ‘almost everything’ didn’t include strollers – otherwise we may have spent a little more.

We also went to Ikea to make our first major baby purchase, a dresser. I’m following Katelyn’s lead on her nursery dresser purchase of the 8-drawer Hemnes in white. It’s a good size (as is our nursery!) and can easily fit a changing pad on top. Right now the nursery is still a bit of a construction zone but our plans this week are to purchase paint (colours have been chosen for a while) and clean it up in general. I can’t wait until I’m feeling better to do some more nursery planning. As in, more than the practically zero planning I have done so far! We’re hoping to find a deal on a used crib, a nice rug, and a glider with ottoman or a comfy side chair (likely also used). I see lots of Kijiji in my future…

7:30am: Breakfast! This morning it consisted of a Yogurt tube and whatever else she might have agreed to eat. She’s getting really picky these days.

Brianna watched from the bouncy chair (with Hailey’s doll), she had already got her morning milkshake.

8:00am: Naptime for Brianna, play time for Hailey
10:00am: Nursing time for Brianna, then play time all together! Brianna got to experience the jolly jumper for the first time, she didn’t love it, but didn’t hate it. Probably just got annoyed as Hailey pushed her in circles. Oh the life of a little sister.

11:00am: More naps for Brianna (or tried to make her nap…) Hailey put her doll in the jolly jumper and pushed her around when I wouldn’t let her go in it.

12:00pm: Lunch time! Then playing until nap time.

1:30pm: Nap time for Hailey, nursing time for Brianna. (thus I never get a break because one or both kids are always up). Then we have a photoshoot.

2:30pm: Hailey is up. Brianna looks adoringly from her tummy time spot.

3:00pm: We pushed Brianna’s nap off and went for a quick walk! Cut short because the neighbours were spreading manure and it was dusty and smelly not too far down the road.

Followed by a rousing rendition of Pat-a-cake (Hailey’s fave and a song she bursts into singing at random points of the day)

Serious faces from Brianna mean it’s nap time!

4:30pm: Nursing time for Brianna and we start dinner.

5:15pm: Dinner time. And Brianna begins to get fussy (another nap time) so either Scott or myself alternate eating with Hailey.

5:45pm: Clean up a bit and play time until bed.

6:30pm: Cluster feed for Brianna followed by bedtime for Brianna.

7:30pm: Bedtime for Hailey!

7:40pm: Collapse on the couch, edit photos,work on the photos books I need to get done asap and surf the internets.

10pm: Bedtime for the adults to gather energy for tomorrow.

Of course, dreams like this often turn out to be just that – dreams. Little did I know that the eldest cousin in our family attended my wedding – barely big enough to see with the naked eye. So much for having the eldest cousin in the family! Our little one will be #4 in the family and will have the best 3 older cousins a kid could ask for. But – will I continue the eldest daughter/sibling pattern?

What I didn’t know until after we were married (though it certainly wouldn’t have made a difference) is that Denis’ family has a ‘pattern’ too – a pattern of boys. His dad’s family has been solid boys for about 80 years.  Denis has one brother, their cousins are all boys, and his dad is one of three boys. You have to reach back to his grandfather’s generation to find a girl born into the family. “You know it will be a boy”, his grandfather commented after finding out we were expecting!

So whose family pattern has won out? Although I wasn’t too concerned with finding out our baby’s sex until it was born, Denis was quite insistent that we find out. It will be more efficient, he argued. I decided that I was OK with finding out because I felt that we would be able to connect with the baby more if we knew if it was a boy or girl (and also Denis is quite stubborn). So off we went to our ‘anatomy scan’ in mid-September, hoping for great results on the scan (a healthy baby) – and a shot between the legs.

The ultrasound technician found the right angle. The image on the screen grew clearer and clearer – two little circles had my heart racing at first, but then they grew larger and took up more of the screen until I noticed that they were attached to two little legs. Butt cheeks! We were looking up from underneath – what was between the legs? Suddenly I realized – despite my hunch, despite the pattern of boys…

Wow. It took a few weeks until it really sunk in – but our little baby is a girl.

We had our town’s fall fair last weekend and the weather was perfect.

Friday it POURED all day, buckets and buckets, I thought weather was doomed for the weekend. Saturday we woke up to sun and it stuck around all weekend. Lucky once again!

Hailey got to experience some firsts- first pony ride, and first ‘roller coaster’ ride. It pained me to shell out the outrageous prices they charge to get on the rides, but it was worth it to see her face on the rides(and my mom’s and Scott’s as you will see below).

I think mom enjoyed the ride as much as Hailey did! See her holding on for dear life? Or maybe she’s just trying not to squish Hailey.

Scott’s turn to have fun with Hailey!

She’s pretty serious about her driving

On Sunday we entered the Baby Show. Casey won Best Dimples and Brianna won Best Bubble Blower. It’s an everyone wins a prize competition. No baby pageant outfits here, just good old fashion fun.

Mic with Casey

Me and Brianna

Pretty much how I looked all weekend. Brianna is a snuggler.

The cutest ice cream face you’ve ever seen.

Erica’s adorable pregnant belly. Boy or Girl? What’s your guess? We know!!!

I was about 14 weeks along and didn’t think I was showing that much at all yet. I was wearing a black tank top (picture taken on the same day) and out for a long bike ride. It could have easily been a little pot belly, if you will. But this guy knew. “Congratulations, ma’am” he said, after asking us for money for food.

We offered to share what we had but he turned us down. I guess he wasn’t that hungry, after all.

Not like me. Aside from the obvious baby belly, my appetite has pretty much doubled. My attitude towards food has changed. I clean my plate. Find the energy to grab a piece of cheese from the fridge (mmm…cheese…) at 10PM. Insist on late-night Wendy’s in a seedy area of Detroit. Crave apple pie at all hours of the day. Gaze longingly at co-workers lunches (it works! Also, I have awesome, generous co-workers!).

Speaking of food, I am both shocked and overjoyed to report that it has all stayed down. That’s right, not a moment of morning sickness for this girl. I was extremely tired throughout the first trimester and into the second (I may have dozed off at my desk once or twice) but have regained most of my energy, though I know I could use more sleep in general!

This is not to say that everything has gone perfectly throughout the past 19 weeks (zomg, almost 5 months already??). I experienced some intense back pain for about 2 weeks that has now subsided to a dull and infrequent ache. However, the scariest event was definitely mid-August when I woke up in the middle of the night to my husband telling me that I had just had a seizure. I tried to convince myself the next morning that I was perfectly OK, so I hopped out of bed, had breakfast, and went to work. I felt miserable. Denis tells me that he would rate the seizure a “3 out of 10″. Imagine if it were a 5. Or an 8. Imagine if I was caring for an infant and had a seizure. Needless to say I am now extra diligent about medicating every day. No more seizures for me, pleaseandthankyou! Rest assured that I was careful to ensure that my medication is safe to take during pregnancy. I met with my neurologist this week – he was thrilled to hear that I was pregnant and is very involved in looking at ultrasound reports, making sure my blood is tested for the necessary…stuff…and ensuring that I am properly medicated in general!

Enjoy this late-night belly pic, I promise there are more on the way. As you can see, the belly has become quite obvious now! I like dressing to show it off and today broke out a beautiful maternity sweater that I purchased with birthday money from my in-laws (thanks again!!) to wear to a party celebrating the new office space of my friend’s company. Her 8-year-old son walked right up to me and announced “You’re having a baby!” and placed his hands on my front. No hiding it anymore!

Today is kind of the next big step in our new big adventure, which is actually an adventure towards settling down and shrugging our shoulders at each other realizing we’re the best each each other can get. Just kidding – we are doing the happy dance every day and life is making more and more sense every passing week. It kind of feels like two steps forward and one step back sometimes, because there is this huge prize waiting for me with Tim and our new home but I’m kind of stuck here for awhile just watching from afar. A girlfriend put it well in saying that taking this whole thing slow is probably good for me. Everything has happened so fast since May that it is probably a good thing that I am turning the gears down and really easing myself into, well, the rest of my life?

Anyway, back to today – we are getting our new house! Currently there is  a man and a herd of African wild cats and a frog hatchery living in there, and it is taking awhile for buddy and his jungle to leave, but he should be out by tonight and then it is ours to tear down walls and rip up carpet and make it our home.

One major drawback of the plan (apart from being three hours away from Tim) is that my commute has doubled now that I moved further away from downtown. But I decided to get my bicycle back in working order so now I cut some time off by biking to the subway every morning. I can’t believe how therapeutic that daily bike ride is! I hate walking places because walking is too slow, so biking gets me to the subway faster and it really clears my mind before work and de-stresses me on the way home from work. I got a vintage Raleigh last year right after I lost my license. Some guy took pity on me and gave it to me for free and invited me to his Church. I didn’t go to his Church but I did name my bike after his pastor, Anthony.

To sum this all up, I want to give out a huuuuge thank you to everybody who has shown support and love to Tim on his new adventure. Honestly? I was so nervous at first as to what people would say/think about this change – I thought people would judge him and scoff at his decision to leave his corporate job in the city. I know that he made the right decision and apparently everybody else does too - Tim is a country boy down to the core and people can see that in him. He is already so, so much happier – he as already lost some weight he has been trying to lose, and even our finances are in better order than ever – and it only took a month! People are always asking us (and making bets on) when we are going to get engaged – and I can’t blame them, we have been together for 5.5 years now, I would probably do the same if I were them – but it was so hard for us to look far into the future when one of us really wasn’t happy where we were. In Calgary, Tim wanted to go back to Ontario. In Ontario, I was (f)unemployed for 9 long months, then right after I got my job he was able to relax and let himself really think about what he wants from his career. That’s three years of our relationship spent in transition and, at times, uncertainty. Now that things are trucking along nicely for the both of us, it is so much easier for me to look into the future. It’s kind of like things are really lining up for us and when I look into the future with Tim, things are looking good.

Tim and I met in University –  he got his B.Comm in hotel management and I have my B.A.Sc. in Gerontology. During high school and his summers he worked for his Uncles, who own a concrete construction company. For some reason, I have always vividly remembered a conversation that occured on one of our first dates wherein he told me that he won’t be happy until he is working for himself someday. His drive and ambition impressed me (and his brains too – my boy graduated near the top of his class and won Mr. Congeniality to boot. /end brag).

Upon graduation, Tim got a much coveted position with a huge hotel chain – remember that job that moved us to Calgary? That one. He worked there for two years and while there were many aspects of the job that he loved (for example, managing his staff and the proximity to the mountains), the odd hours and distance starting wearing away at him. So he applied for and received a promotion that moved him to the Canadian corporate sales sales office as a corporate account manager – a 9-5 job that is close(r) to home and a position that angled him towards rising quickly in rank with the company. Perfect, or so we thought. It still wasn’t enough for Tim – he’s not the kind of guy to settle for anything but the best for himself.

Since moving back to Ontario last summer he has been going back to his family farm every weekend he could. It was obvious that his mood lifted every time he pulled off of the 401 towards his parent’s farm, and immediately got to work doing odd jobs here and there – and he was so excited about it. He hated having to head back to the city when the weekends ended.

We tentatively started talking about what it might look like if our lives ended up in the country by his parent’s farm. He took some time off in May to go work for his uncles at the construction company and to hang out on the farm as a way of giving it a test drive. He said driving back to his office in Toronto after his ‘vacation’ was one of the most difficult things he’s ever done.

He knew what he had to do. Two weeks ago he sat down with his uncle his parents to discuss his plans with them and his future with the family businesses. They were incredibly supportive and have been working with him to get him involved with the businesses in a management role and in expanding the businesses. Last Tuesday he quit his job and left the corporate world forever. I think it was the best day of Tim’s life.

Next month Tim will be moving into one of his parent’s farm houses, which he will renovate and we will eventually buy. I will stay in Toronto for now, and my Aunt has kindly re-offered her basement apartment for as long as I need it. The farm house is where we will eventually live and farm and raise our family in. It is where we will plant our gardens and where we will grow old together.

Tim is ecstatic, other than the fact that we will be apart for a while which is starting to freak him out. I’m filled with nervous excitement and amazement at how quickly my future has come together. I have one stipulation, however – I am not leaving the city without a job in the area or my driver’s license back. The farm is about and hour from the town where my sisters and my parents live. Tim’s family and their friends have already shown us so much support already and encouragement and love, and I couldn’t be more grateful. I’m a pretty lucky girl to have so many loving people in my life.

A year ago I was happily living in Calgary working as a mental health case coordinator for a non-profit. This year I am working for the provincial government in health care. Next year? I will be settling my life in the country. Forever. Do I look more like an adult today? Because I sure do feel like one.

Life changes so, so much from year to year. Looking back on the last three years of my life simply amazes me – the places I’ve been, the people I’ve met, the opportunities I’ve had, the amount of beer I’ve drank with great friends, the family I’ve gotten so much closer to – if you told me three years ago where I’d be today I would have just stared at you amazed at the opportunities life could throw at me. I’ve learned a few lessons during my 24 years of life, the first being that you never know what is going on behind closed doors – so don’t assume that you do. And the second is what I discussed above – life is constantly changing. Even when you don’t feel it or you feel stuck or you feel depressed or you feel lonely or you feel settled, it is changing. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst. Every molecule of your being has had an influence on where you are today and it will have an influence on where you are tomorrow, or next year even.

I kind of have a feeling where I’ll be next year, and I can tell you that it is not where I would have ever before thought I might be. And it’s definitely not where I am today. But guess what? Life happened. And it’s happening. And even though I finally feel settled, life is changing again. And once again, I think it’s for the better.

P.S. The card in question? It’s perfect.

(Micaela & Leah, circa 2003 – or something)