I hate January.

Seriously. I hate it. January and I? Not friends. We don’t get along. Never have, perhaps never will. Many people use January as their starting point. A launching pad for new adventures. A time for resolutions and reflection. For me, making new resolutions is a reminder of the old resolutions I haven’t fulfilled from years past. Reflection reminds me of not just the high points of the year, but also the low points.

I wish I could tell you that this past January was different. I wish I could tell you that I stepped up my game, told myself “I rock!” and focused my efforts on bettering myself personally and professionally. But I can’t, because I didn’t. Instead, I looked up articles on seasonal affective disorder and how my medication could be negatively affecting my emotions and physical condition. I tried to find a way to blame my feelings on anything other than myself. I slept too much. I watched too much crappy daytime television. I put off reaching out to old co-workers who reached out to me after I lost my job. I imagined being a better person. I imagined reinventing myself. I imagined how it will feel when I’m done school. When I find a job. When we buy a house. When we start a family. If. When.

I found myself not caring anymore. One year ago we had a plan. It fell apart. I was upset for a long time, but in January? In January I didn’t care. I didn’t care whether we ever move out of our little apartment. I didn’t care whether we ever buy a house. If I ever find a job. If we ever start our family.

But it’s February now.

February is my new starting point. I believe that the ‘new year’ is arbitrary – every day is the beginning of a new year, technically. The first 9 days of this month have held more promise and more achievements for me than the last 3 months have. I’ve finished school projects early, had an interview for a very exciting job, and found some job prospects in unexpected places. I want things again. I care about getting those things. The house is cleaner. I’m organizing my stuff. I hired my own personal cheerleader. I’m making an effort in areas of my life that I never have before. I have time to knit, and that just makes me happy. I was able to give my first knitted baby hat to Hailey – she has to grow into it a little more, but it is just adorable.

Now that, my friends, is a reason to start over.