Yesterday Tim was talking about work, more specifically, his friend Jay. Jay had recently been transferred to a different city for two months, and was at work packing up and saying goodbye. He looked at me really weirded out and told me that another employee was having her final shift the same day. “Jay said goodbye to her forever. They said goodbye to each other knowing that they would never see each other ever again.” This really boggled Tim’s mind. He was amazed, and confused, and kind of sad for Jay and this coworker. I looked at Tim like “so what?” To me, saying goodbye to someone forever doesn’t really mean much, I should say, doesn’t faze me. I thought of the countless times I have met people, gotten close with them and subsequently said goodbye to them, forever. This would have happened when I was living in Quebec for a summer, then when I was working at a fishing lodge in Northern Ontario for a summer, and when I spent a month working and traveling in Costa Rica. This happened when I spent a week volunteering in Calgary a few years ago, and when we had a girl living with us from Russia for four summers. All of the people I met during these experiences impacted my life greatly, and because of these people, I am who I am today. I thank them for it, and owe so much to them for teaching me, for encouraging me, for pushing me to grow and for being in the awesome place I am in today. It occurred to me, that Tim hasn’t done a lot of stuff like this. He likes to stay in his comfort zone and keep his bubble of life as small and tight as possible. That, 99% of the time when he says goodbye to people it is a goodbye for a week, goodbye for a day, goodbye until the next time we run into each other.
I think I’ve gotten really good at goodbye forever, in a positive way. I can say goodbye to somebody, forever, without crying and being sad and still hold them in my heart and think about them often. What about you? Have your life experiences taught you say forever-goodbyes to people you know really well? Are you any good at them? Do you stink at them? Do you do them often? Am I a freak of nature with no heart or maybe just a thick-skinned social worker?
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I feel pretty comfortable with good-byes, but it doesn’t mean I like them. I just know there are some friends that are forever friends, while others are just for a season. Doesn’t mean they aren’t important, you just have to be willing to let go at the end of the season.
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I think the way I deal with forever goodbyes is that in the moment of the goodbye I don’t think of it as forever. Even though its extremely unlikely, there is always that slight possibility that you could happen to run into each other some other time in life.
No, you’re not a freak of nature for this reaction at all. It’s very similar to the reaction that I have about it, and I think it’s a healthy way of dealing with separations. Honestly, if I never said goodbye to anyone forever, my life would be overcrowded with too many relationships for any of them to be strong, because they would be too diluted. You know that corny line we’ve all heard over the years that “people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”? I think that’s very true.
Sometimes you just have a relationship with someone that is strong, but not destined to be long-lasting. People sometimes fulfill a role in your life that is complete after a short time and then it’s over. You have learned what you needed to from them, so it’s time to say goodbye. I have stopped getting sentimental over that – I just enjoy the people I have in my life at any given moment. And I try to accept it when a relationship has run its course, either because it fades on its own or because we’re forced apart geographically or something else.
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Forever goodbyes kind of blow my mind too, just like Tim. Especially when you spend day in and day out with a co-worker and realize that you’ll never ever see them again. Kind of weird!
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