I hate January.
Seriously. I hate it. January and I? Not friends. We don’t get along. Never have, perhaps never will. Many people use January as their starting point. A launching pad for new adventures. A time for resolutions and reflection. For me, making new resolutions is a reminder of the old resolutions I haven’t fulfilled from years past. Reflection reminds me of not just the high points of the year, but also the low points.
I wish I could tell you that this past January was different. I wish I could tell you that I stepped up my game, told myself “I rock!” and focused my efforts on bettering myself personally and professionally. But I can’t, because I didn’t. Instead, I looked up articles on seasonal affective disorder and how my medication could be negatively affecting my emotions and physical condition. I tried to find a way to blame my feelings on anything other than myself. I slept too much. I watched too much crappy daytime television. I put off reaching out to old co-workers who reached out to me after I lost my job. I imagined being a better person. I imagined reinventing myself. I imagined how it will feel when I’m done school. When I find a job. When we buy a house. When we start a family. If. When.
I found myself not caring anymore. One year ago we had a plan. It fell apart. I was upset for a long time, but in January? In January I didn’t care. I didn’t care whether we ever move out of our little apartment. I didn’t care whether we ever buy a house. If I ever find a job. If we ever start our family.
But it’s February now.
February is my new starting point. I believe that the ‘new year’ is arbitrary – every day is the beginning of a new year, technically. The first 9 days of this month have held more promise and more achievements for me than the last 3 months have. I’ve finished school projects early, had an interview for a very exciting job, and found some job prospects in unexpected places. I want things again. I care about getting those things. The house is cleaner. I’m organizing my stuff. I hired my own personal cheerleader. I’m making an effort in areas of my life that I never have before. I have time to knit, and that just makes me happy. I was able to give my first knitted baby hat to Hailey – she has to grow into it a little more, but it is just adorable.
Now that, my friends, is a reason to start over.
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You are amazing. Even in your admission of self-pity, you make me love you that much more. I am honoured to be your personal cheerleader because it’s the easiest job in the world. You are so wonderful, I don’t even have to try. I’m glad that February has gone started out so well for you
you know it always makes me happier when I see someone I care about doing well.
p.s. Any NEWS?????
.-= fragileheart´s last blog ..And all that jazz =-.
January last year was probably the worst month of my life. This year it was great though.
Thanks for writing this and sorry for harassing you into blogging. Actually, no I’m not. I think you needed the kick in the butt.
I hope Spring comes sooner than you know and that new opportunities continue to arise!
Hugs.
.-= Leah´s last blog ..Life, in no particular order. =-.
So adorable, and wow! Love the new look over here! =)
.-= Kyla Roma´s last blog ..Rockin’ Starbucks Style Ginger Molasses Cookies =-.
Great blog Erica, welcome back to our blog! Let me know if I can help make your February even better!
.-= Kate´s last blog ..Life, in no particular order. =-.
love the new look of the blog ladies!
.-= Mich´s last blog ..Letters – Vol III =-.
Beautiful post Erica! (Love the new header too) I never really use January as a starting point either. Winter is not really my time. Like everything else a part of me just sort of hibernates until Spring, then I can truly start over, rid myself of the winter sluggishness and get back into the swing of things. Starting over can occur at any time. I’m glad that you found your reason!
January as a starting point is so cliche! Hope good things come your way this February!
I also hate January, you are not alone. I hope the rest of the year doesn’t disappoint you. Good Luck!
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..So much to do, so little time… =-.
January is not my favorite, either. And isn’t it funny how just the change of the month can make such a drastic change to how you feel? I noticed it a lot this year, too.
That hat is adorable, by the way.
.-= WonderSpot´s last blog ..17.5 Weeks…Ish =-.
I’m a January fan… I never keep my resolutions but at least in January I believe that I will!
Now you get to celebrate your newly started-over self next week in Toronto! See ya then…
.-= Micaela´s last blog ..Life, in no particular order. =-.