I’m sure a bunch of you have seen my twitter posts about a) roommates that are hard to deal with, and b) their difficult friends. Our family has always been a big believer in being polite to anyone, whether they deserve it or not. We were taught to share, both with each other and with friends. A favourite story of mom’s to tell people about us is from when we were kids, and went to “Story Hour” at our local library. They were handing out cookies, and as they handed Erica two cookies, she took one, and gave it to Micaela, who was next in line. So they handed her another cookie, and she gave that one to Katelyn, who was next in line. They eventually had to explain to her that everyone got two cookies.
These lessons on being polite and sharing have followed us all to our adulthood, and I am continuously glad that we have gotten them. I am, however, surprised that other parents have not taught their children these same lessons. (This is where I am fortunate that my roommates don’t read this blog) A couple of my roommates have friends who’s behaviour I am constantly surprised at. This afternoon for example, I was sitting on the couch watching Wheel of Fortune (after cleaning the kitchen for 4 hours, having not lived here for the whole summer), and I was just browsing on my computer, because I don’t have a room until tomorrow when one roommate moves out. Five of my roommates friends whom I have never met then come in our house, and they continue to start yelling from different levels of the house, swearing every other word, yelling about various drugs, and just not noticing that I am sitting there on my computer watching TV in peace. I for one hate swearing, and I am always made fun of by my friends for using words like “crappie” instead of swearing. I couldn’t believe that they would just come into our house and disrupt it like that, and also that their parents wouldn’t teach them to be polite when they are in someone elses house.
Has anyone else had trouble with roommates or their friends? Stories people! So I’m not feeling so alone in these crazy situations!
My sophomore year of college, I lived with a girl who had a boyfriend who went to another school. He came to visit nearly every weekend, despite the distance (about three hours) between the two schools. He was the rudest, most impolite person I’ve ever met. He’d come into the room, slamming doors, dropping his things everywhere. He’d help himself to anything he found in the fridge and never replace it. He constantly swore (I’m also not a fan!) and was incredibly loud when I was on the phone. I remember one day, I was speaking with my mother. He walked in, turned on the tv and sprawled out on her bed like he owned the place. He got mad at me when I asked him nicely if he could turn the tv down. Ugh. I was not upset when they broke up a year later
.-= Lexi´s last blog ..get your craft on! =-.
I know exactly how you feel .. and have a few stories of my own to share ..
one of my former roommates would have parties .. then leave the spilled alcohol, empty beer cans and trash, just laying around .. until a) she was no longer hungover .. b) didn’t have something better to do.. (either could take days) or c) I did it .. (which is what happened about 99% of the time) . I once let stuff and trash sit from a party for 9 days .. our apartment smelt horrible .. i was trying to prove a point .. but it didn’t work .
she would use my pots and pans .. (which I didn’t mind) but she would never wash them out .. they would have burnt raviolis in them or mac n’ cheese .. it was just gross .. If I didn’t wash them, they would sit there for days, sometimes even weeks .. (it was crazy) .
we made an agreement to share clothes .. but ask first .. which i always did, but to find out what i wanted, i would go through her closet first .. which i thought was acceptable (how else would i know what i wanted to borrow) .. well when doing this i found several of my clothing items (that had recently just disappeared) .. which i asked her about and she got mad at me for going through HER stuff !
needless to say, we moved out in February and went our separate ways, but i find it very sad now .. i think we could have been good friends .. we just needed better communication .
I wish you the best of luck in your recent endeavors .. if you need any advice let me know
.-= Kaitlin Johnston´s last blog ..Raven’s First Bath =-.
I think aaanybody who has had roommates has had issue with them! I’ve experienced crazy ex boyfriends, drugs, missed classes for so called ‘crises’, you name it I’ve suffered it! Not that I am innocent myself by any means!
It sounds like you are being the bigger person, so good for you.
I think because you are the youngest of five you have had ro grow up faster, thus faster than your roommates, unfortunately for you.
I can completely relate – I had to live with 6 boys and 5 girls at one stage. Like something out of Auschwitz, I know. The boys (*sigh*) were involved in a battle of manliness with the boys next door, and each group would do mind-numbingly stupid things to the other’s flat. I would notice all the kettles were missing, only to turn up a few days later filled with sticky flour. Our windows were egged, our tables had the legs snapped off and furniture constantly went missing. I just assumed they all had tiny willies – but, apparently, their little displays of masculinity had its effect on the girls I was living with since they would all flirt outrageously and hook up interchangeably.
Worse still, they would use George Foremans to grill meat and just let the fat slide onto the counters. I thought the whole point in those was convenience?! Eventually it built up to the point that I asked one of the boys to clean it at the risk of salmonella etc., and, because I’m a vegetarian, he replied snidely, “SOME of us here eat meat and aren’t ashamed of where we come from. You’re just gonna have to deal with that.”
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..The Voyage – Japan =-.
Living with other people is hard! I was brought up to be very polite and even a bit of a conflict-avoider, so I think I can relate to some of what you’re going through.
My best advice to you is a) recognize that other people did grow up in households that were different than your own (you seem to have already realized this), b) realize that there are things about you that your roommates may not find particularly enjoyable (it’s a two-way street) and c) bring up issues in a non-offensive manner (people are more likely to get defensive if they feel they are being attacked).
When I lived with Leah we would often borrow one another’s clothes, sometimes without asking. I had a friend over once who noticed this and was surprised that it didn’t bother me at all. I grew up with two sisters and we are constantly borrowing each others things, so it seemed natural to me. My friend also has sisters, but borrowing things was a not okay in their household. It’s very subjective as to what is acceptable and what is not.
Hope that helps!
I was the girlfriend of the boy with 4 other roommates ( 2 girls, 3 guys in one apt!! ), and while i was there if he was in class i stayed in his room until he got back, and most of the time his roommates would see me come out of the bathroom and say they didn’t even know i was there.. haha.. or I’d clean their kitchen if i got bored waiting, and that’s the only way they knew i was at the apt. I’d like to think i was considerate of their feelings and since it was their apt and not mine i wouldn’t just go and take over their tv and living room.
My mum always taught me to think of myself as the other person before I did things.. man my mum was good.. hah
Everyone’s stories are soo much like my own! I am forever cleaning up beer bottles/cans, and gross food left on the stove. As I write this there are people moving in and out of my house. There were 2 girls and 3 guys living here, but now there are going to be 3 girls and 2 guys. I just met the girl-Sarah, and she seems nice, so I’m hoping this goes better!
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..Lauren on Politeness =-.
Oh yes, I have many stories! My favorite to tell is when my freshman year roommate took my silverware to use for her can of body hair wax. Yes, it was a can (think paint can sized!) and she either used the silverware to stir the hot wax or spread it on herself. Both are disgusting. I found my spoon sticking in the dried up wax and was both horrified and angry!
.-= La Petite Chic´s last blog ..Amanda’s Bridal Shower =-.
I have a work issue like that. The Chinese people here always speak Chinese to each other, despite the fact that they can speak English. If you are in a meeting with 10 of them they all speak Chinese to each other and completely disregard that you are there. Sometimes when they are on lunch and you enter the lunch room, they speak Chinese to each other and all you can understand is your own name! It drives me nuts, I think it’s sooo rude!
.-= Linda´s last blog ..Attention Grabber – GIVEAWAY! =-.
Hey Lau,
Consider this part of your University experience because I think almost EVERY girl who’s lived with roomies in University is feeling your pain
And PS – if things ever get 100% annoying, unbearable, you’re too lazy to cook one night or you just need some time away from the roomies call my parents. They think you’re super and you can always crash there or even do just do work for awhile. Open with, “I was thinking of coming by for a visit..” and I promise that dad will be cooking you a yummy dinner in no time
@Le Petite Chic: EWW that’s so gross! Good thing the girls I live with are awesomeee and would never do that! haha sorry about your silverware!
@Linda: That sucks because then you KNOW that they’re talking about you if you hear your name!
@Stef: I will definitely remember that! haha- “They think you’re super”
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..Lauren on Politeness =-.
Lauren!
Your momma taught you B-girls well!!! Think of it as a temporary situation…it sucks…but a lot of people do. You’re doing your part by not sucking with them. If my name were Shanaynay, I would say ‘YOU GO GIRL!!!’ But it’s not – all I can say is that everyone has different expectations of each other and it’s unfortunate when others have not learned or choose not to practice common decency. So…kill them with kindness – if they have any shame, they’ll start to feel bad about how they carry themselves.
In the meantime, send Pat and Vanna my best regards. I LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOVE WHEEL OF FORTUNE!!! I got Micaela hooked on that for a bit while I was home. They really need to start airing that stuff in Korea…