Some Introspection

Earlier this week,I was talking very candidly about many parts of my life to Micaela. We had a great conversation and after we ended it she sent me an e-mail that simply said :

How would you say you’ve changed since moving out west? If at all. Truthfully.

I thought about that, and then I thought about it some more. It took me about a week to really process that question, think about it, and be able to fully and honestly answer it. I sent about four e-mail back to her describing the personal changes I have experienced since moving out here, and I sat back, read it and was really happy with my answers. Today, I am going to share them with you. So here, my friends, is how I have changed since moving across Canada.

1.) Maybe this one is coming up because of our conversation today, but I want you to know that this part of it is something I have thought about before today. I value my relationship with Tim less. I don’t mean to say that I don’t value it, because I do. Very much. I have become more independent. Ending University, I didn’t think I would be able to survive a day of my life without seeing him, touching him, kissing him, hearing him tell me that he loves me, but now that I have been out here, and with most of our time being spent apart, I realize that yes, I could do it if I had to (or even if I wanted to). I am putting”Leah” before “Leah & Tim”, which I think is a good thing. Realizing that MY happiness is what is most important, and that my happiness can have nothing to do with my proximity to Tim.

2.) I mentioned this in #1, stating that I feel more independent. I am more likely to pick up and do something on my own rather than calling around and seeing if someone wants to do it (shopping, going somewhere, trying something new, etc) with me.

3.) I feel more happy here, and more grounded. I don’t think that has to do with moving to Calgary per se, but having graduated University and gotten a “real” job. I feel less melancholic than I did while in University, and, ironically, less homesick than I did then.

4.) I have become more assertive. I find myself being honest, not putting up with crap, being able to get my thoughts/ideas out more clearly and not doing anything that I don’t want to do. This one is directly related to my job, and facilitating the life skills groups. And leads to a more deep and complete self-knowledge.

5.) Gained more self-confidence. I don’t know if I would have tried out for Canada’s Next Top Model if I were in Ontario still … I don’t know why I think that. My increased independence and assertiveness are the ground basis for my increased confidence. Maybe that or I am really just caring less what people think of me here, leading me to be more adventurous.

There may be a thousand more ways that I have changed, but these are the top five reasons that I can see within myself. Micaela also said to me

I think you feel sometimes like you have to be super tough and show everyone that you love it there. You don’t need to though.

and I really appreciated that. But in all honestly, I DO love it here, and I am really happy. Thanks for letting me share this with you, and thank you Micaela for asking me. Have you gone through a significant life change that has positively (or negatively) affected your life?